One thing you NEED to know about me: I hate raccoons. And trust me, I’ve earned that right. I’ve had multiple run-ins with those dirty little trash pandas, starting all the way back in kindergarten — but that story is for another time. Today, I’m here to give you yet another reason why these animals absolutely suck:
They’re drunks.
Like… full-on, no-boundaries, hide-your-liquor-cabinet drunks.
Animal control officers near Richmond, Virginia shared photos from an incident last Friday where a male raccoon broke into a liquor store, went on a bender, and PASSED OUT in the bathroom. Yes, this is real life. You can see the photos below!
No one knows how he got in. An employee just walked in the next morning and found him sprawled out on the bathroom floor like your messy friend after a night out, still unconscious. (This was in Ashland, about 20 miles north of Richmond.)
Before his blackout, he apparently knocked a bunch of bottles off the shelves, and some broke. Trash Panda McPartyAnimal then helped himself by licking up the booze. Overserved himself? Absolutely. Do I relate? Honestly… yes (in my twenties I was definitely known to party).
From the photos, it looks like he got into some gin and maybe whiskey too. They said he was “VERY intoxicated.” (All caps. A whole mood.)
Animal control scooped him up, let him sleep it off at a shelter, and eventually released him back into the wild. They said he had “zero signs of injury, other than maybe a hangover.”
Great. So now not only are raccoons sneaky, chaotic gremlins… they’re drunk sneaky, chaotic gremlins.
Add it to the list.
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