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Christmas songs just got a personal touch! Someone at the New York Post paired holiday hits with the vibe of each zodiac sign. Here’s the breakdown:
Aries: “Father Christmas”, The Kinks: “Humor and aggression? Calling out [BS] to the tune of Christmas bells? Unrepentant ram energy.”
Taurus: “Christmas in Hollis”, Run-D.M.C: “Taurus rules the second house of material goods and earthly delights . . . this banger tells the tale of a Good Samaritan rewarded with a million in cash, a yule log, and a belly full of macaroni and cheese.”
Gemini: “The Little Drummer Boy”, Frank Sinatra: “Leave it to a Gemini to fail to bring a gift for a newborn demi-god and improvise with a drum solo. Pure mutability, pa rum pum pum pum.” (???)
Cancer: “Last Christmas”, Wham!: “George Michael was a Cancer king, and this banger is positively awash in those cardinal, emo waters. Still, lamenting a doomed love affair an entire year later?”
Leo: “All I Want for Christmas Is You”, Mariah Carey: “Leo is a fixed fire sign that rules the heart, demanding absolute allegiance and utter worship from their loved ones and acolytes.”
Virgo: “White Christmas”, Bing Crosby: “A holiday without blemish or upset? A covetable kind of Christmas for the purifying Virgo.”
Libra: “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”, John Lennon, Yoko Ono, and The Plastic Ono Band: “Mr. John Lennon, the most famous Libra in musical history . . . Sweeten the hard truths and softly sing your agenda? Libra to the hilt.”
Scorpio: “River”, Joni Mitchell: “Scorpio sage Joni Mitchell sings the song of her people . . . Moody, self-loathing, and beautiful in the way only funerals, turtlenecks, and frozen longing can be.”
Sagittarius: “Feliz Navidad”, José Feliciano: “This song sounds like a party, and that’s really the M.O. of every Sagittarius who ever raised a jug of wine or arrow to the sky.”
Capricorn: “Fairy Tale of New York”, The Pogues: “Shane MacGowan was a Capricorn . . . [It’s] refreshingly void of sentiment (just like a sea goat likes it) but still carries a high note for hope.”
Aquarius: “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”, Band Aid: “Aquarius is the sign of community organizing and humanitarian responsibility . . . the song raised $10 million for the [Ethiopian famine] in a single year.”
Pisces: “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday”, Wizzard: “[It] perfectly suits the escapist tendencies, tinseled temperaments, and sugar plum preferences of the Pisces ilk.”
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